Another Rainy Day

Posted: July 24, 2012 in Poems
I want, near need to be angry, wound up, annoyed;
Anything to distract from the consuming void
Instead haunted by memories – I’m more than upset
I’m still breaking inside, I knew I’d regret.
I cry and I cry, not ashamed to admit
I pray as I cry, why does nobody hear?
My darkness destroyed the perfection we had
I truly didn’t want this, I’m more than just sad
Tortured grieving, and mere words can’t explain,
The feelings I’m suffering; of overwhelming pain.
I couldn’t control the battle inside me,
Though I would if I could,
I knew what was right though prolonging the ‘should’
I fed my selfishness – I wanted the ‘could’
The evil grew stronger, I finally snapped
As though restrained, the Light was trapped,
Darkness reigned freely, I could only spectate,
Left only to watch; expect the torrent of hate
Unable to prevent, to witness my life fall apart
I could hear and see the breaking of hearts
A puppet controlled, I can’t sever the strings
That bind me and tie me, not my song I sing
I’m instead left to crumble, suffer the gnawing away
Millions of thoughts are words I cannot now say.
As much as I wish it, things won’t be as they were
The good times, the love, and happiness pure
Our lives have been changed, I wish for once more,
For time to rewind, and things be as they were
Things have been said, that now can’t be forgotten –
Why get involved if your opinion is rotten?
Had it been left, argument or not
The upset would subside and make stronger the knot
Between what was us, though now never can be
As much as I try, I still love thee…
I can’t help but remember there’s years in a day,
Several months in a minute, all thrown away,
My happiness? A curse. Each touch? A scar
To keep you safe, I must love from afar
It’s not what I want, though it is for the best;
Inside my head, I’m evil; a mess
It’s far more than distance than separates us now,
Though never voiced, there was such a vow
To love you forever, despite all the pain,
You were my sunshine, I was the rain
In case you may wonder, that vow will forever remain
I’m sorry for this – you deserve not my pain…
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