Reinforcing The Rules

Posted: December 17, 2011 in Previous Rants

It seems far too many people are more than eager to break the widely known and commonly accepted Man Rules. In this instance, I call attention to those intent on breaking “Man Rule No. 3″ (also known as the “Toilet Rule”). I suppose I should accept partial blame for not correcting those to blame at the time; or maybe I was a little too vague with my last post on the matter. Who knows?

I aim now to elaborate on “Toilet Training” for those who either still do not understand or simply don’t care. In a similar situation surely you’d expect the same courtesy? If in doubt of your own actions, or if you suffer from a terrible memory, re-read daily, if required – feel free to print out, create and carry around flashcards.

  • If ever in doubt when approaching a cubicle – if the door is or appears closed – even partially, simply assume it’s occupied and either wait a while – or accept defeat and use a urinal. (After all, not everybody uses the locks; more often than not, they don’t work anyway). Systematically testing all the doors doesn’t look befitting and REALLY isn’t good for one’s reputation. It’s for your own good.
  • Unless acting against a queue cutter, physical contact between persons is completely forbidden! This includes the ‘shoulder pat’ (also known as ‘shoulder rape’) that most males wrongly deem acceptable – keep your hands to yourself!
  • It’s unfortunately becoming more and more common and far too many people are trying to involve the innocent toilet-goer in conversations they don’t want to be involved in. If you feel conversing is ABSOLUTELY necessary to overtake the silence in the once sacred calm of a public bathroom, stick to the two word limit! If someone doesn’t reply – it’s because they don’t want to, not because they didn’t hear you.  Most people just find it creepy – (it’s a small step away from the hint of comparison and the eyes a-wander (which for the record is also forbidden).
  • Space invading and leering are closely linked and require the same response for optimal effect: a two word threat. Don’t take it too personally if you receive an imaginative threat – it’s probably not personal (if in doubt, leave a “one urinal gap” between yourself and others, if required, wait).
  • Commentating on your every action WILL make people distrust and dislike you. This is a fact. Simply do not do it.
Several times I’ve encountered such a being – to him, announcing his every action must seem normal or acceptable. The first, I’ll unfortunately never forget… In response to my silent and unasked question – “Just washing the tips of my fingers – that’s all I used”. Firstly – that was far too graphic. Also that was definitely more than two words – I didn’t invite conversation, so please don’t talk to me. I chose not to reply and although it remained unsaid, my look in response was quite clearly “Do NOT attempt to touch me with those hands you filthy beast!” And specifically aimed at those intent on breaking the Rules; SHAME ON YOU.
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