Window Bombardment – I’d Much Prefer Hate Mail…

Posted: August 14, 2011 in Previous Rants

I tried… And I’m not just saying that, I REALLY tried… They didn’t much like the cookies this time round, though they seemed to have a preference for any other bread style foodstuffs. I thought they’d have forgiven me by now, but I’d stayed wary and tried to avoid them all the same. They’d accept my offerings without complaint but it was only a matter of time – in all honesty, I had expected it to happen much sooner.

They have begun to attack the house. It’s definitely the pigeons. I’d begun to hate the open spaces, it would make it all to easy for ambush, it would only take a moment to distract me after all. They want me to be paranoid. It’s working, I panic when a bird flies overhead. I have witnessed it before and it’s definitely NOT something I wish to experience! For those unaware:

Pigeons CAN communicate with each other! And they also (oddly) arrange their “toilet breaks” – breaks from what I’d rather not know, though I’d assume it’d be breaks from staring at people and swarming innocent bystanders. I knew it was meant for me – they had no other reason to take flight and collectively “drop matter” at such a precise moment. It was a warning.

I didn’t realise until it was too late, distracted by the unusual (and possibly rehearsed) synchronised activity, I’d continued with my day. I can’t leave my house anymore; they WILL continue to stalk me until I can find a suitable pigeon repellent. Besides my cat I’m stuck for ideas. (She would prefer to relax all day and only do something if it suits her) – such is feline nature.

I return from work to find they ARE  getting smarter – as if I didn’t have enough to deal with, they’re now getting the window cleaners involved… – I want to ask them, I’d shout it if it’d help – “Why do you STILL hate me?”, “It wasn’t MY fault!” and “What can I do to appease you?”

  1. charlene says:

    The ONLY decent pigeon repellant is to eat a burger made of some form of bird meat! Since the only bird meat burger available atm is a chicken burger i suggest you get yourself a chicken legend from macdonalds or go for the far superior option and have yourself a KFC. Then those pesky pigeons will stop crappin on your windows an just crap themselves in fear that you might find them a tasty option if caught. LOL!!!

  2. Kurlykurt says:

    Thanks, but surely that would just encourage them to attack me? – I wouldn’t want to give them any more ammo – figuratively or literally! They’d rally up and oppose me if I were to even consider such a thing. Besides, I’m still a veggie, so I’ll look at other options, I don’t really want to decorate my house and garden in fast food litter… Any other ideas?

    • charlene says:

      I would say get some pigeon spikes but they clearly don’t work as i have never seen a pigeon impaled on one in town ever and they still have crap round em! Actually the more i think about it the more i get worried, they obviously are smarter than we thought….OMG maybe they have some kind of mind control over us? They start on us as kids, what child is not drawn to a pigeon and HAS to chase it? Then when we are old we purposefully travel to town with a bag of food to throw for them……

  3. Kurlykurt says:

    They definitely know what they are doing! I guess I’ll stay clear of the pigeon spikes too then… Erm, I’VE never been compelled to chase them – it was somebody’s great idea in the first place that got me into this mess… Plus I can’t imagine a pigeon actually enjoying the experience… I’ve been back to feed them ONLY to try and make amends – I fear they’ll hate me for life – I’ll grow old and paranoid – forever their victim…

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