The Stare…

Posted: July 28, 2011 in Previous Rants

It’s an odd feeling; to know you’re being stared at, and it’s not one I like. It starts out as a subtle and indescribable feeling of unease – like an itch you can’t seem to scratch. A strange, uneasy silence. Then, a sudden realisation as you realise why. There’s eyes locked onto you.

It’s too far from the casual glimpse for anybody to feel comfortable with – I should know, I’ve been stared at a lot. Most of the time it’s by completely random people, the occasional small child, drunk people and the old ladies who frequent the bus to my friend’s house. There’s one in particular (a regular to my local bus stop) who seems not to care that I’ve noticed. I’ve contemplating telling her that it’s rude to stare.

The first time was just over four months ago – I was minding my own business when she sat down – I could see out of the corner of my eye that she wasn’t looking past me as I had initially assumed but straight AT me… I didn’t want to make eye contact and definitely didn’t want to get trapped in conversation. She couldn’t keep her eyes off me. I tried my best to remain frozen – I didn’t dare do anything that would give her reason to think I was interesting, or for that matter; interested. Maybe she wanted something? Or had she noticed something I hadn’t? I didn’t really want to find out.

Normally, quite a lot can be understood by reading somebody’s eyes and facial expression, it wasn’t something that helped me this time… She was completely unreadable, not mysterious, just plain creepy. She hadn’t blinked and I didn’t notice her breathing – the awkward silence stretched out. For over ten minutes she stayed like that; frozen and unmoving. It was probably a battle of wills; I fought the urge to stare back, but realised it would be just as creepy.

Still nothing – it felt like the world had frozen too, there was no traffic and only my iPod broke the silence. Was it possible for somebody to fall asleep with their eyes open I wondered? Still she continued. With a sudden, immense feeling of guilt I wondered if she had died. I didn’t know what to do and immediately went to check if she was all right… “Erm, are you OK?” It was probably my panicked expression that did it, without warning a huge grin spread across her face. What a cruel thing to do to somebody…

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