Am I Doing It Right?

Posted: July 6, 2011 in Previous Rants

I’ve witnessed some truly horrible things in my life; one man’s furry back, another’s haunting waist, and that one lady’s devil stare – and that was just today!

I’m far from perfect, I too have things I’m embarrassed about and unfortunately not as good at some things as I’d like to be. I’ve never pretended to be any good at swimming – but when asked if I wanted to go swimming with my sister, her boyfriend and their friend, I said yes… I should’ve politely declined. I was going to make a complete fool of myself and probably drown but I remembered my doctor’s advice – “swimming should help ease your back pain” I bravely accepted the challenge and grabbed my shorts. I’d already forgotten my towel and figured today wasn’t going to go my way…

It was a massive swimming centre, the pool itself was enormous and I felt more comfortable stood around – anything to prevent people witnessing my failed attempts.

Dreading a repeat experience involving a old man’s bald head and my terrible swimming technique (which to my brother’s disbelief was a genuine accident) I silently agreed that swimming lengths in the segregated lanes was by far the safest option. I was hardly 30 seconds in when I remembered I couldn’t swim very well… The lifeguard kept an eye on me as I struggled through the water in a furious attempt to use only my arms – my legs choosing inconvenient moments to stop or thrash wildly at the plastic separators. I  felt hopeless – I was probably embarrassing myself – people were judging me now, I couldn’t stop them and so decided to continue “swimming” anyway.

I was only swimming for half an hour when I realised three things:

1. It’s near impossible to swim properly using just your arms.

2. Cramp deserves a more definitive name; it’s very painful and can affect your legs, arms and stomach at the same time.

3. Even in “a slow lane” other people will get fed up if it’s you that sets the pace and decide to switch lanes.

Between bouts of splashing and my failed attempts at trying different techniques and styles I looked around – other people made it look so easy! I don’t know why I was struggling so much. I left with several injuries and realised that I should learn to swim before I get back into the water. I probably shouldn’t come back to this swimming centre any time soon…

  1. you can drum, therefore you are able to coordinate your arms and legs! you should just come more often, y’never know, wear your best swimming trunks and you too could entice one sexy lady wearing a burkhini!! 🙂 x

  2. Kurlykurt says:

    Aahaha yeah I suppose in theory it’s simple… It’s OK for you able-swimmers! Though a Burqini would hide most of me from everyone else, I’d say I have a rather… distinctive swimming style… – If I wanted to entice somebody whilst swimming believe me, I would NOT be swimming!

  3. mitch clarke says:

    actually the incident with the bald man was entirely your fault
    me annoying you by splashing you, so you deciede to go deep underwater.
    you then jump upwards thinking your behind me and slap a bald man! tut tut

  4. Olivia Salt says:

    This is the top pool at the Manchester aquatics isnt it? The training pool beneath is amazing!
    These are very funny and educational! Keep it up Kurtis!

  5. Kurlykurt says:

    Thanks very much! – yeah, that’s the one in Manchester – Can’t say I’ve been in their training pool though. Surely it’s just water?

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