Archive for July 2, 2011

Toilet Training

Posted: July 2, 2011 in Previous Rants

It’s a fairly commonly accepted rule; to “treat others as you wish to be treated”, and another to give them enough space to feel comfortable in any situation – there’s a more important rule which is widely known by all males, yet oddly denied by most – it’s a rule which I feel needs more attention and respect. Often called “Man Rule No. 3” or the “Toilet Rule”, every guy will agree a high level of privacy is expected upon entry of a public bathroom.

For those still unaware:

1. The first to enter would use the first available (clean) cubicle, and only when all the cubicles are occupied is it deemed acceptable to then attend the urinals.

2. Corner or end urinals must always be used first, leaving at least a “one urinal gap” between consecutive standing males – it is never deemed acceptable to stand beside another during “flow-time”.

3. If there are others waiting, NEVER cut in line. Remember, force is permitted in this situation.

4. Sentences longer than two words are considered invasive and creepy. Free conversation must only ever exist in the “safe zones” (beside the sinks, near driers etc). Acceptable conversation includes – “sup?”, “you ok?” and “see ya”.

5. Bragging and comparisons are forbidden and eye level MUST remain above shoulder height, eye contact must be kept to an absolute minimum.

It is a general misconception that all guys prefer the urinals to the little more privacy offered by a cubicle wall or three. Far too often I’ve been approached by a looming creep intent on breaking the Rules and trying to tell me their life story – I honestly don’t want to know. I can quite safely say I hate using public bathrooms…